Embodied Midlife Discernment
How to navigate a patriarchal capitalist world, get what you need, and ignore the rest!
In this time of extreme polarisation, binary notions and the power of the influencer expert, how can you tell what is good for you in the noisy world of mid-life wellbeing?
Have you recently found yourself wondering what to do when hearing so many conflicting health opinions?
Not knowing which direction to go in, so maybe taking no direction, or too many directions at once?
This applies to so much in life as we become flooded with opinionated noise and voices through social media and our personal conversations.
Take hormone therapy - a friend of mine recently told me about a social situation where her friends were discussing the wonderful merits of HT, as someone not taking it she felt like the outsider, finding herself hoping that no one was going to ask for her opinion, and at the same time thinking ‘maybe I should try it, am I missing out?’.
Another friend of mine told me about being in a women’s yoga circle where they were all vehemently against HT and were very down on those who choose to take it. This is polarised thinking, it's not helpful and is how women play out the patriarchy against each other. We have to call this out, especially when we notice we’re doing it ourselves.
Something similar is taking place with protein, supplement, fasting, weight training, weighted vests, creatine, collagen….
Many social media doctors, female fitness/nutrition influencers have strident opinions on all of these. This is a marketing pattern, a huge hype - you have to have this NOW, and then the backlash follows. Rinse and repeat. Bloody confusing - and really really irritating. As we journey through the turbulent waters of menopause we’re more porous - leaving us more vulnerable to outside influences.
This is where discernment comes in - ‘The ability to judge people and things well.’
Discernment has to be embodied as our body is key to navigating menopause, an incredible time of internal and external change. When we come from an embodied perspective we’re accessing our OWN lived experience rather than going with external influence.
Our brain re-wires itself during menopause and our sensorial experience of the world within and around us shifts as our bodily systems adapt to the hormonal fluctuations. These are unpredictable times and therefore it’s essential to keep navigating back to our own bodily based lived experience, again and again.
Lets explore through the lens of the Nervous System
The responses you have when taking in health messaging will show up through your nervous system.
The polarised messaging can be anxiety provoking - moving into a sympathetic response of flight/fight which, let's face it, is an often habitual place to be in these times.
I appreciate Dare Carrasquillo’s (https://substack.com/@thenightgarden) nuanced take on the nervous system in modern times - “living in a socio-economic system of constant threat and violence, people under capitalism are constantly fighting (striving for constant growth, hoarding resources, consuming in excess, aggressively advancing, and constantly fleeing (eternally trying to escape, transcend, become, transform themselves and their situation into some other version of reality).
What I see in this combined state of FIGHTFLEE is that in all cases, there is never-ever any sense of satisfaction, fulfillment, contentment or enoughness ever. It is a perpetual “race & chase” set-up. This is a hallmark of addiction neurologically, but it’s so baked into the economic and social fabric that many people can’t see that it is an addiction cycle. It’s become ‘just how it is” - hypernormal and thus invisible”.
I like this deeper take on the modern nervous system, which so often, is presented in a very binary way - that you are either this or that, one being good and preferred and the other not. Note to self, human bodies are not binary! Wellbeing capitalism plays out in our nervous system’s, especially when the subject of menopause is so often held within a place of fear, and in need of a quick fix to make it better - both sympathetic responses. This fear combined with wanting it to be different is then neatly packaged and commercialised back to us by ways of wonder supplements/products or practises such as face yoga. (Please stop with those annoying face yoga ads where the woman has no saggy bits to begin with and looks suspiciously like she’s under 35- I’m 56 and have no desire to look 35!).
All very well talking about this, but what can I do you might be thinking?
Let's explore from a somatic body perspective.
When I’m not discerning I notice I have certain things going on with my body - leaning forward wanting that quick fix, feeling my nervous system ramping up, like a kid in a pick n mix sweet shop. My breathing is erratic up in my chest, a touch of frustration creeps in. This can move into irritation easily - my early signs of ‘fight’.
Wanting something different evokes a different somatic response - more of a ‘flight' for me - a sense of moving backward, a constriction in the throat, worry turning into anxiety, wanting to avoid. My responses change depending on the situation and what else is going on for me - how rested I am, exercised, fed and watered and what else is going on in my world - all of these things will influence my response.
Please note that everyone has their own unique nervous system responses.
When in a place of discernment it feels grounded, settled and spacious, able to see both sides of a story and not feeling tugged one way or the other. My breathing is regular and rhythmic, I’m captain of my own ship. I’m not ‘needing’.
Here is an embodied enquiry to explore this.
Next time ads or articles come up in your feed regarding health or wellbeing pause for a moment and notice what happens in your body.
What is your body doing?
What is your breath doing?
Are you moving towards or away?
Do you feel tightness or expansion within your body?
Can you notice when you are in discernment?
How does that show up in your body?
Take time to process this through reflection, journaling, movement or anything else you feel inclined to do.
Discernment keeps us close to our own inner wisdom and keeps the self-improvement to-do list at bay, as Dare calls it, ‘the constant need to transform to get better’.
You are not broken and you do not need fixing.
Please do let me know how you get on with the enquiries, I would love to hear your thoughts.
Image: Sam Carter on Substack